Peace in the home

The ability to persuade and the desire for peace can be wonderful elements in a woman and a blessing to her home when she's operating in the power of the Holy Spirit. B. Moore

Meet and Greet

The 2009-2010 newlywed class began on August 16th. We meet each Sunday morning at

8:45 am in room B2032 at Shandon Baptist Church. It is our prayer that we all have marriages that bring glory to God and draw others to his son Jesus Christ.

Please meet the new members of our class. We look forward to getting to know everyone. Derek and Jodi Hawkins
Charlie and Suzanne Davenport
Ryan and Jenny Turner



Jonathan and Laura Lee

Jonathan and Michelle Peer



Jonathan and Lee Patterson

Jason and Lauren Cone

Derrick and Jenna Powers-Dingus


David and Roxanne Ancheta

Jeremy and Christen Warren


Whit and Allison Morris

Chad Hoffman and Letitia Ard (to be married on Dec.5th)

Lake Day 2009

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Guys cooking for the Gals

The guys agreed to cook dinner for all the ladies. It was such a fun time. The food was yummy and all the ladies agree that the men can cook any time.
Margaret and Lindsey

Allyson waiting for homemade ice cream.


Barbara and Laura


Earl and Brent (Peanut butter ice cream. YUM!)


Brent, Jonathan, Kynn

Rad and Hudson
Laura and Cynthia

Margaret and Warren

Julie and Matt

Date night

One of our former newlywed ladies has shared a good idea for a date night during the summer. See the below note from Kitty Hurdle. Thanks Kitty.

Hey there!
I wanted to let you know, the church plant we have been a part of—Columbia Crossroads Downtown—is sponsoring “Movies in the Park” every Friday night at Finlay Park.
The activities begin at 8, movie starts at sunset. There will be free popcorn and free drinks.
I think it will be a really fun date night or family outing!

Here are the movies if you are interested:
June 12-Bedtime Stories (PG)
June 19-Tale of Despereaux (G)
June 26-Hotel for Dogs (PG)
July 3-High School Musical 3 (G)
July 10-Horton Hears a Who! (G)
July 17-Confessions of a Shopaholic (PG)
July 24-Paul Blart: Mall Cop (PG)
July 31-Monsters VS Aliens (PG)
Aug 14-Race to Witch Mountain (PG)

Pray that your summer is full of rest and refreshment in the Lord!

Kitty C. Hurdle

Home Organization

Our ladies Bible study recently had a guest teacher, Luanne Ozmint, to come and teach us on the subject of home organization. Luanne taught and encouraged all us with Titus 2:3.

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be workers of the home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no none will malign the word of God."

Also, we were reminded of what God said in Genesis 2:18.

"The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Our role as a wife is to be a helper for our husbands and to be workers in our home. Thank you Luanne for the encouragement and the reminders of how we can honor our Lord by serving our husbands and by keeping an organized home.

Luanne

Lindsey won a prize.

A notebook to use for planning the daily schedule.

Amy won a file to keep those papers that need a home. They do not belong on the counter or nightstand. :)

Update on Matt Davis

(PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY.)

Dear Friends and Family,

It has been a little while since our last update, so we wanted to check in with everyone. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support. We are very grateful, and we know that God is working! Matt went back to the Retinal Specialist two weeks ago. The doctor said that there hasn't been much change in his eyes. The hemorrhages are still there, although the blood flow is better. The doctor thinks that his body will absorb the hemorrhages once all of his blood levels return to normal. Matt will go back for another follow-up appointment in two months. His vision is about the same. It really doesn't affect his everyday life at all, but we are still continuing to pray for complete healing. He had a check-up with the Oncologist three weeks ago, and this was the first time that almost all of his bloodwork was within normal range!! His platelets are a little low, but the doctor is going to monitor that. She didn't seem concerned. She was glad to see that his white cells, red cells, and hemoglobin were all within normal range. Matt is doing great! His energy level is keeping me on my toes. :) He is playing basketball a couple of mornings a week, as well as ultimate frisbee on Sunday afternoons. We continue to pray for healing every day and ask God to use us to touch others. Thank you so much for your prayers and support!!!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Love,

Matt and Julie

Todd and Erin Carroll

Happy 1st Anniversary to Todd and Erin Carroll

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

HAPPY 1st ANNIVERSARY

BILL AND STEPHANIE HRISKO

Stephanie ADORES Bill! :)

Prom 2009

Ahh Yes! The newlywed class had their very own prom. All over Columbia, high schools were having proms and so we got in on the fun too. This awesome group of newlyweds love to have fun. We are so thankful for the friendships that have formed that will surely last a lifetime. Emily and Caroline
Lindsey and Joey

Emily and Hudson

Amy and Brent

Warren, Margaret, Tyler, Caroline, Hudson, Emily Kynn, Lorie, Cynthia, Joey, Lindsey, Bill, Stephanie, Brent, Amy

Let me know if there are any other pictures that we should post!. We'd love to see them.

A funny song

To all the husbands: These are things you do not want to say to your wife. (:)

Tim Hawkins
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iK2OakMoW_c

Fighting Fair in Marriage

Yesterday we discussed rules for Fighting Fair in Marriage. We had great discussion and a fun time laughing together. All of us, at one time or another, deal with conflict. How awesome that we have a God who helps us and encourages us in all areas of our marriage. Listed below are a few rules to practice. (Next week we will look at dealing with anger. How about askingGod if you have an angry heart. If you do, he specializes in revealing your anger, forgiving, and setting you free to experience his love and peace. He is good!)

RULES FOR FIGHTING FAIR IN MARRIAGE

1. Face each other.
2. Keep the fight to one issue at a time.
3. Have respect for the other person.
4. Remain focused on the present.
5. Stay focused on understanding the other person first and being understood second.
6. Focus on problem not the person.
7. Avoid distractions.
8. Keep it clean and tactful. (No name calling)
9. Take a time out if required.
10. You can not refuse to talk about a problem.
11. Make an appointment for discussion. (Do this if the other person is very tired, hungry, etc. Timing is very important sometimes.)
12. Don't interrupt.
13. Remember that your reality is not the only reality.

***Remember that you married him/her because you loved him/her. Some times you need to get back to the basics.

(source unknown)

Thank you to Stephanie

A big thank you to Stephanie for heading up our meal to the internationals. We appreciate all of your service. Also, thanks to everyone who provided the food. :)

Quarterly Review #6

This is the last post on quarterly reviews. I would like to thank Danny and Laura for sharing their marriage with all of us. It is our hope that you have found encouragement for your marriage. May God bless you.

Welcome to guests writers Danny and Laura Stiller

OUR FAVORITES & WHY

By Laura Stiller

Laura's Favorite Quarterly Reviews:

Camping at Myrtle Beach - I LOVED this quarterly review because we didn't have a schedule or agenda. Our only goals were to eat, play together on the beach, rent a tandem bicycle and read. In fact, the second day of our quarterly review was spent entirely on the beach playing in the water, reading under an umbrella, talking whenever we felt like it, and eating snacks.

PREP Marriage Video Series - This was a very simple quarterly review. We rented a cabin with a TV and DVD player in "The-Middle-of-No-Where," Oklahoma. We packed all of our own food so we wouldn't have to leave, and we just hung out there for two nights. We watched the PREP dvd series and even took the time to practice the communication techniques they taught. It's alot hard to apply these in real life, in the middle of a fight - but this dvd series gave us communication tools and techniques for working through arguments/differences that we will use for the rest of our lives.

Danny's Favorite Quarterly Reviews:

Christmas Parade in Gatlinburg, TN - Danny likes this quarterly review because it was cold, Christmassy and there was fake snow all over this city and in the Christmas parade! He also enjoyed our drive through the Smokey Mountain National Park and stopping to play in the river.

Kerrville Kayaking - This was just a relaxing camping weekend where Danny enjoyed getting on the river and watching the sunset.To read about all of our quarterly reviews, click here.

Danny and Laura Stiller were married on August 27, 2005. They fell in love while leading an inner city ministry together after college in Bryan, Texas. Two weeks before their wedding, while Laura was busy finalizing wedding plans and dreaming of marital bliss, Danny decided they needed to move to Greenville, SC for a better job opportunity and to pay off debt FASTER. Somehow, during their first two years of marriage, they moved four times, and squeezed there in the middle was a year in Columbia, SC and the Harris' newlywed Sunday School class. They are now half-way through the four years it takes to get a Masters of Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and are maintaining their sanity with date nights, quarterly reviews, and lots of hearty "communication." They blog regularly at: thestillers.blogspot.com.

Quarterly Review #5

Welcome guest writers, Danny and Laura Stiller

SPECIFIC QUARTERLY REVIEW IDEAS

by Laura Stiller

Each of our quarter reviews look different (I'll get to specific quarterly review ideas in a minute), but this has kept them fresh and fun for us. Some of our trips have been strictly for play. Any talk of our marriage just flows, it's not structured or planned. Some of our weekend trips have been fully structured complete with an agenda, discussion topics and intentional questions - sometimes even with homework (or books to read BEFORE the quarterly review in preparation for a discussion).We've needed both of these at different times in our marriage. Danny has been stellar at discerning what types of things to plan for our quarterly reviews and deciding what kind of tone our week needs to take.Let me give you a few suggestions. Please keep in mind that each marriage/couple is vastly different, so part of what will make quarterly reviews beneficial for you is how you tweak and customize them to your needs and personalities.

Free/Cheap Activities:

tubing
outdoor movie
camp out
find a local event rent a tandem bicycle
go back to places with memories
watercolor
go site-seeing with your camera - take pictures together (this is on our "to-do" list)

To Foster Deep Conversation:
attend a marriage conference
plan your future together by reverse engineering your life
take & discuss temperament spiritual gifts, leadership and/or personality tests
watch the PREP Marriage Video Seriesexplore career goals/dreams together

Sample Discussion Questions:
What has been the biggest adjustment being married?
What has been the hardest struggle in our marriage?
What have you struggled with personally since getting married?
What has been most unexpected thing about marriage?
What has been the biggest blessing since getting married?
What do you want to focus on/improve next quarter (marriage & personally)?
Things we've learned since getting married.
What's your spiritual life been like this quarter?
What are some things you've prayed for this quarter?
What are some ways that I have (and maybe currently do) hurt you?
What can I do so that I don't hurt you anymore.
Establish some "Action Steps" for building/maintaining intimacy (in anticipation of a busier semester).
Write down 10 things that make you feel loved.
What are our spiritual, physical, emotional, social and intellectual goals for the next Quarter?
What have our challenging/stressful circumstances been this quarter & how can we relieve the stress? (ie: packing lunches, planning menus, doing laundry, etc.)
What are our prayer needs this quarter (because if we don't feel like we need God then we won't go to Him)?
What is the most humanly impossible thing you'll ask God to do this year?
Where are some places we'd like to try to go on future quarterly reviews? (ie: Grand Canyon, West Coast, New Orleans - we dream big folks)
What did we accomplish this quarter that we had set as goals last quarter?
What's improved in our relationship this quarter?
And that, my new friends, is the book The Stillers have written for themselves on Quarterly Reviews since sitting on a worn leather couch the summer of 2005. It is still being written, with many editions to come.

Danny and Laura Stiller were married on August 27, 2005. They fell in love while leading an inner city ministry together after college in Bryan, Texas. Two weeks before their wedding, while Laura was busy finalizing wedding plans and dreaming of marital bliss, Danny decided they needed to move to Greenville, SC for a better job opportunity and to pay off debt FASTER. Somehow, during their first two years of marriage, they moved four times, and squeezed there in the middle was a year in Columbia, SC and the Harris' newlywed Sunday School class. They are now half-way through the four years it takes to get a Masters of Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and are maintaining their sanity with date nights, quarterly reviews, and lots of hearty "communication." They blog regularly at: thestillers.blogspot.com.

Quarterly Review #4

Welcome guest writers, Danny and Laura Stiller (see previous posts)

PLANNING QUARTERLY REVIEWS
by Laura Stiller

I wish quarterly reviews planned themselves, just like I wish weekly date nights would plan themselves. But they don't.I've learned two things about quarterly reviews since being married: they don't all have to follow a strict format/schedule/agenda AND it's absolutely wonderful to let Danny plan them, even if he forgets to pack something essential and it is a little more disorganized than I would have done it.

PLANNING - DATES/LOCATIONS:
We usually plan each quarterly review 3-6 months in advance. To start, we sit down and brainstorm places we'd like to go. We go all out and dream big (for example: the Grand Canyon and Alaska are currently on our list of "Places we'd love to go to on a Quarterly Review" - and need I remind you we live in TEXAS!) Sometimes we have a long list, sometimes we both agree on one place right away. Sometimes we can't eliminate a location because we REALLY want to go there - so we just plan more than one quarterly review at once.
Second, we look at our Google Calendar (which I LOVE because I can color-code our life to my little heart's content!) and block out the weekend(s) we want for our Quarterly Review. These dates are guarded carefully, and we don't reschedule them (because chances are they wouldn't get rescheduled) and we don't plan anything else during that time.

PLANNING - THE DETAILS:
We then talk through the logistics of the weekend and communicate any expectations we might have. Here are a sample of questions we ask each other:

Is this going to be a weekend geared more towards relaxing and playing or for planning, communicating and discussing?

How are we going to travel? car/plane

Do we want to plan lots of site-seeing activities to do, or do we just want to relax with no schedule at all?

We also discuss finances and lay out a budget for each quarterly review. Here is what this usually looks like for us:

How much is this trip going to cost? (break it down and get specific - try to include every expenditure in a budget)

Are we eating out or bringing our own food?

How much are plane tickets? hotels? entertainment?

Will we spend any money on materials/conference registration/etc?

We also assign tasks to insure that all the preparations are taken care of. For example:

Who's responsible for booking flights (if necessary)?

Who will make hotel reservations or reserve a campsite?

Who is going to plan activities to do over the weekend?

Who's in charge of planning meals, grocery shopping or finding restaurants/coffee shops?

Now, the only thing that Danny is ALWAYS in charge of is discussion questions for our weekend. Even, if we decided that we need to just relax and play together for a quarterly review, Danny will still have at least a few questions for us to talk about. He has taken ownership of this part of our marriage, and I appreciate his leadership. If I read something interesting in a marriage book, or come across good questions on a blog, I am always free to bring them to the table during our quarterly review, but the responsibility for guiding the depth of our quarterly review falls on Danny's shoulders.

Danny and Laura Stiller were married on August 27, 2005. They fell in love while leading an inner city ministry together after college in Bryan, Texas. Two weeks before their wedding, while Laura was busy finalizing wedding plans and dreaming of marital bliss, Danny decided they needed to move to Greenville, SC for a better job opportunity and to pay off debt FASTER. Somehow, during their first two years of marriage, they moved four times, and squeezed there in the middle was a year in Columbia, SC and the Harris' newlywed Sunday School class. They are now half-way through the four years it takes to get a Masters of Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and are maintaining their sanity with date nights, quarterly reviews, and lots of hearty "communication." They blog regularly at: thestillers.blogspot.com.

Quarterly Review #3

Welcome guest writers, Danny and Laura Stiller. (See previous posts)

WHY DO QUARTERLY REVIEWS?

BY LAURA STILLER

After 3 1/2 years of marriage, 14 quarterly reviews and countless date nights, our rendezvous every three months have taken on various shapes and forms. Regardless of where we go or what we plan, each quarterly review is a time for us to get away from the routines of normal, everyday life; spend focused time just with each other; and communicate. Sometimes, when we are in the middle of several particularly stressful or tiring weeks, it's just enough boost to know that we already have the next quarterly review on the calendar. It also helps me to know that if something in our marriage is not functioning just right (our schedule, our jobs, our commitments, our meal planning, whatever) that we have a weekend planned specifically geared towards tweaking and improving things. Quarterly Reviews give me hope that our marriage will not get stuck in a rut. I don't ever want to wake up one morning and ask myself, how did I get here? How did things get this bad in our marriage? Could we get stuck in a quarterly review rut, where they are no longer serving their purpose - of course, but we are praying against any kind of "ruts" in our marriage.

Danny and Laura Stiller were married on August 27, 2005. They fell in love while leading an inner city ministry together after college in Bryan, Texas. Two weeks before their wedding, while Laura was busy finalizing wedding plans and dreaming of marital bliss, Danny decided they needed to move to Greenville, SC for a better job opportunity and to pay off debt FASTER. Somehow, during their first two years of marriage, they moved four times, and squeezed there in the middle was a year in Columbia, SC and the Harris' newlywed Sunday School class. They are now half-way through the four years it takes to get a Masters of Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and are maintaining their sanity with date nights, quarterly reviews, and lots of hearty "communication." They blog regularly at: thestillers.blogspot.com.

Quarterly Review #2

Welcome to guest writers Laura and Danny Stiller. (see previous post)

Quarterly Review #2

By Laura Stiller

Danny and I (Laura) first heard about "Quarterly Reviews" during our pre-marital counseling in College Station, Texas. We sat next to each other on a brown leather couch and listened as our pastor told us we needed to have weekly date nights, quarterly get-aways, and yearly anniversary celebrations. Well, I wasn't going to argue with the idea that we needed to go stay in a hotel every three months, and Danny, being ever analytical and introspective, loved the thought of analyzing and refining our marriage.We knew no one else who did "quarterly reviews, there was no blueprint to follow, so, after twelve short weeks of marriage, we set out to make up some stuff on our own. Danny made hotel reservations in Raleigh-Durham, and we decided we'd sip coffee at Barnes & Noble while "analyzing" our marriage. Now, you must know something about us, we cannot walk into Barnes & Noble without each first gathering a huge stack of books to peruse. Well, Danny blew my expectations for our first quarterly review right out of the water when he walked back to the cafe with a HUGE stack of sex books. Great. And I thought we were going to talk about "things we learned since being married" or "things we'd like to improve in our marriage." I guess I had my answer from Danny without any further discussion.Over the next few blogs I want to explain a little bit of why we do quarterly reviews, how we plan for our quarterly reviews (including some practical suggestions you can do yourself), and finally share some of our favorite quarterly reviews to date.

Laura StillerDanny and Laura Stiller were married on August 27, 2005. They fell in love while leading an inner city ministry together after college in Bryan, Texas. Two weeks before their wedding, while Laura was busy finalizing wedding plans and dreaming of marital bliss, Danny decided they needed to move to Greenville, SC for a better job opportunity and to pay off debt FASTER. Somehow, during their first two years of marriage, they moved four times, and squeezed there in the middle was a year in Columbia, SC and the Harris' newlywed Sunday School class. They are now half-way through the four years it takes to get a Masters of Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and are maintaining their sanity with date nights, quarterly reviews, and lots of hearty "communication." They blog regularly at: thestillers.blogspot.com.

Quarterly Review - #1

We are thrilled to introduce our dear friends Danny and Laura Stiller. These are our friends who introduced us to the idea of Marriage Quarterly Reviews. Our marriage has benefited from following their example and going on our own Quarterly Reviews. We know that you will enjoy and learn from Danny and Laura. Stay tune. There will be 6 posts on this subject. A huge thank you to Danny and Laura.

SHEPHERDING YOUR WIFE THROUGH QUARTERLY REVIEWS

by Danny Stiller

Danny and Laura Stiller were married on August 27, 2005. They fell in love while leading an inner city ministry together after college in Bryan, Texas. Two weeks before their wedding, while Laura was busy finalizing wedding planws and dreaming of marital bliss, Danny decided they needed to move to Greenville, SC for a better job opportunity and to pay off debt FASTER. Somehow, during their first two years of marriage, they moved four times, and squeezed there in the middle was a year in Columbia, SC and the Harris' newlywed Sunday School class. They are now half-way through the four years it takes to get a Masters of Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and are maintaining their sanity with date nights, quarterly reviews, and lots of hearty "communication." They blog regularly at: thestillers.blogspot.com.


I want to let you know I don’t have everything figured out when it comes to being a husband. But there is one thing I have resolved to do in my marriage, and that is to be involved. I have and will continue to make mistakes, hurt my wife and screw things up I - I can live with this. But what I cannot live with is not being involved in the life and affairs of my family.
In up-coming posts, my wife will be sharing with you a habit that we have developed that we call Quarterly Reviews. She will tell you how we came up with this idea, and how we go about doing them. Before those are posted, I wanted to start by addressing the husbands that might be reading.
Husbands have a responsibility to shepherd their wives. Since you probably don’t wake up in the morning to go tend sheep, or know anyone who does, I want to share some thoughts I have received from older men about what it means to shepherd your wife.
Shepherding means to cover, protect, counsel, guide, challenge, call out, confront, comfort and encourage. My challenge to you is to take this information about quarterly reviews, make it your own, initiate a plan with your wife, begin to cultivate your marriage, shepherd and engage your wife in the process and start being involved.

FOR THOSE INTERESTED THE BIBLICAL BASIS SHEPHERDING YOUR WIFE:
In 1 Peter 5:1-4, Peter is addressing the elders of churches and instructing them to shepherd the flock that is in their care. In verse four it says, “Then when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that never fades away." The Chief Shepherd is Jesus.
Keeping this picture of Jesus as the Chief Shepherd in mind, I would like to look at Ephesians 5:25-29. Here, husbands are called to love their wives like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. In verse 28, husbands are commanded to take care of their own bodies, feeding it and taking care of it. Christ shepherds the church, feeding it and taking care of it; we do this for our own bodies; and we are to do this for our wives.
For more ways to shepherd your wife and for further teaching on authentic masculinity go here to download the podcast series “A Man and His Wife” (clicking on it in the right hand column).

Fellowship Time

A few pictures from our night out to Moe's and dessert at Cynthia and Earl's house.

Four on the couch!

Brent and Amy

Emily and Hudson

Brooke and Jonathan

Cynthia and EarlBobby and Marlene

John

Good to Great Marriage Edition Session 2

1. Last Week Recap

a. Great Marriages Are A Process
b. The Process Starts With Acceptance, Evaluation, & Communication
c. You Grow By Taking Responsibility and Committing To Forward Movement
d. Forgiveness, Grace, and Unconditional Love Are The Foundation To build On

2. Why Don't We Grow - Pride and Fear (Pride can be fear in disguise)

a. It Blocks Honest Self-Evaluation
b. It Closes Off Communication.
c. It Wrecks

3. What Causes Pride and Fear Issues

a. Learned Coping Behaviors (We act out what we have been taught)
b. Past Pain & Hurt (Some may have pain bottled up. We can't put our pain off on our spouse. You must deal with it to move from Good to Great.
c. Disbelief in God and His Word

4. How Does Pride and Fear Play Out In Our Daily Lives

a. Denial Of Problems: Silent Death
b. Deflection Of Issue: Argumentative Death

5. The Solution To Pride And Fear - Humility & Trust
a. Admit You Are broken
b. Confess Your Brokenness To God and To Your Spouse
c. Drop The Masks And Talk Openly With Love and Grace
d. Step forward Trusting God With Yourself And Your Spouse

HOMEWORK

1. Find a way this week to do something toghether as a couple where you can talk. Ideas could include dinner, a walk, coffee and dessert.

2. Have a conversation about an area in your marriage that you have avoided. Make sure that your conversation avoids any fear of pride tactics. Bathe your conversation in forgiveness, grace, and acceptance while requesting loving truth from one another.

3. Commit to one another to grow in at least one specific area in your marriage. Make sure that you know how you are going to measure that growth.

4. Grade Yourself In These Areas with a number between 1-7. Grade Your Spouse Also. Compare your results and then discuss the differences in your scores. A Grade of 1 = poor and 7 = Excellent
Loving, Open Communication, Forgiving, Acceptance, Blaming, Patient

5. Agree to pray for one antoher this week. Ask your spouse how you can pray for them.

6. Do something for your spouse this week that shows your commitment to this journey.

A good reminder - For wives

Scripture as a Guide for Prayer
written by Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth
"And now I will show you the most excellent way" (1 Corinthians 12:31b NIV).
Friend to Friend
Valentine's Day has just passed and I want to offer just one more devotion of the subject of marriage - how to love well.

Most of us married women would agree that we long to be the woman of our husband's dreams. But I have a question. Why? Is it so we can get what we want in the long run? Is it so that when he sees how irresistible we are he'll magically become the man of our dreams meeting our every need?

Those are good questions -- tough questions. But becoming the woman of his dreams won't happen until we decide we would rather win his heart than win the battle, do right than be right, give more than get more, wrap our arms around him instead of wrap him around our little finger.

Becoming the woman of his dreams involves sacrifice. It involves respecting him as a man and a leader, adoring him as the one who makes your heart skip a beat, initiating intimate friendship through creating commonalities, safeguarding your marriage by putting him second only to God, encouraging him in his pursuits and dreams, and sexually fulfilling him. Many times this means denying ourselves and putting our man's needs above our own.
Did you realize we can even pray for our husbands with wrong motives? James said, "When you ask you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives that you may spend what you get on your pleasures" (James 4:3). Ouch! Does that mean I can't pray that Steve will change his mind about that new den sofa I want? Hmmm.

The goal for praying for our husband is not to get them to do what we want but for them to do what God wants. Hollywood tells us that we will be happy when we "find the right person." However, I have discovered that a successful marriage occurs when we become the right person. "For years I prayed that God would change my husband," Denise told me. "Our marriage went from bad to worse and we ended separated and headed for divorce. Then I began to read about what it meant to be a godly wife. In the world's eyes, I was doing a pretty good job. In God's eyes, I was missing the mark. So I began to pray -- this time for my own heart. God gave me the answer to my prayer to change my husband...He changed me."
How do we begin to pray like the woman of our man's dreams? A good place to start is by looking at the Bible's definition of love found in 1 Corinthians 13. I love to use Scripture as a guide for prayer, so I'm going to pattern today's prayer after this wonderful chapter on love. As a matter-of-fact, the verse that introduces this chapter says it well, "And now I will show you the most excellent way" (1 Corinthians 12:31b).

Let's Pray
If I teach Bible study classes, volunteer for the church women's ministry, and sing in the choir, but do not love my husband, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have a college degree, high paying job, and successful career, but do not love my husband, I am emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. If I have faith that can move mountains, am quick to pray for those in need, and even have half the Bible memorized, but do not love my husband, I am disobedient and do not please God.

If I keep a spotless house, maintain a well manicured lawn, and prepare nutritionally balanced meals, but do not love my husband, it is all for naught. Hired hands can do as much. Lord, help me to be patient. Help me to be kind. I pray that I will not envy others who have seemingly happier marriages and husbands that are more helpful around the house, thoughtful, or romantic.

I pray that I will never try to lift myself up by putting my husband down. Lord, I pray that I will not be a proud woman who refuses to listen to her husband, who always has to have the last word, who always thinks her way is best. I pray that I will not be rude to my husband with curt comments, disregard his needs, and be ungrateful for all he does and is, but treat him with the respect and honor that the king of a castle deserves.

I pray that I will not be self seeking, always thinking about what is best for me, but thinking of what would be best for my husband. I pray that I will not be angered easily, not hold a grudge, not keep a record of wrongs, not plan ways to retaliate, and not use my tongue as a weapon to cause pain. I pray that I will not rejoice and say "I told you so" when things don't work out the way my husband hoped.

Lord, above all, I pray that my husband will see me as his chief cheerleader who desires to rejoice with him in his victories, both big and small. He will see me as one who longs to protect our marriage and our love. Help me to create a warm and loving environment in which he feels safe, wanted, and revered. I pray that you will give me endurance when things get tough. Help the word divorce to never enter my mind or cross my lips as an option. Lord, I know that love never fails and that You never fail. Fill me with your Holy Spirit to give me the endurance to stand up under trials and love my husband as You would have me love him -- till death do us part. In Jesus' name, Amen.



Now It's Your Turn
Today's application step is very simple. Open your Bible to 1 Corinthians 13 and pray those words over yourself as you love your husband.

Shandon University

Two or three times a year, Shandon Baptist Church, offers a discipleship/Bible Study on Sunday evenings called Shandon University or Shandon U. Dates for Spring semester are Feb. 15 - March 15. Everyone is invited to participate in the courses.

Kynn and I are taking the course Good to Great Marriage Edition taught by Steve Turner. Below are our notes from the first session.

1. Great Marriages Are A Process. (The process is never ending. It begins when you say "I do" and last until "death do we part".

2. Parts of The Process
a. Acceptance And Grace
b. Honest Evaluation (Be honest about yourself with yourself)
c. Open Communication
d. Individual Responsibility

3. It Starts By Stepping Up
a. Commit To The Journey
b. Allow Faith To Conquer Your Fears
c. Take the Risk To Reap The Reward (Believe that God wants to do a work in you and in your marriage. We are being conformed to the image of his Son.)

4. Confidence Along The Way
a. His Salvation Makes You Accepted and New
i. Acceptance Frees You From Bondage To the Law
ii. Acceptance Builds Trust and Relationship
iii. Acceptance Creates Safety To Be and Experience Ourselves
iv. Acceptance Increases Initiative In Growing
b. His Forgiveness Covers Everything
c. His Love Is Continuous And Everlasting

Class Homework for the Week

1. What are three things you love about your spouse?
2. Find ways this week to tell your spouse how much you appreciate them.
3. What are three ways that you need to improve as a spouse?

Ask your spouse for their feedback on this issue (If You Dare)
4. In what ways (real or perceived) are you not accepting of your spouse?
5. When do you feel unaccepted by your spouse?
6. Discuss with your spouse the fears you have in being open and honest in your communication with one another?
7. What areas of your marriage are you afraid to talk about? Why?
8. Take some time to express your commitment to this journey of making your marriage great!

We were encouraged to push to excellence in all things. Even excellence in our marriage.

There is still time to join this class. I hope you will join us on this journey.

Happy Valentine's Day

LOVE IS IN THE AIR!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

His Needs/Her Needs

This week let's all concentrate on our spouses need for admiration. Men especially have this need, but wives really appreciate being admired too.

Even if you feel your spouse is not especially admirable at this time, treat him or her as if they were. Begin treating and serving your spouse like a king or queen, just like a VIP.

Verbally - Compliment - exchange complaints for compliments. (Give it a GOOD try at least! :) )
Compliments are like magnets. It can draw you closer to one another.

Intellectually - Ask your spouse for help or advice in areas that he/she is knowledgeable or has much wisdom.

Physically - What could you do that would be a physical help to your spouse? Does he/she need help with their laundry, dishes, etc. Would he/she like you to put your "stuff" away? (make-up off the counter, dishes in the dishwasher)

Showing admiration goes a long way in showing your spouse how much you love them. It puts needed deposits in their LOVE BANK!

Love Sick

Do you remember when you fell in love. You know, when your heart was beating fast, stomach churning like a whole colony of butterflies had moved in. You know you are in love when

"I climbed up the door

And shut the stairs;

I said my shoes and took off my prayers.

I shut off the bed and climbed into the light.

And all because--

She kissed me good night!"

NOW! That is love sickness. Hope you feel that feeling this week with your spouce. Have fun.

Super Bowl Party

Make a Smilebox slideshow

WELCOME HOME JOEY!

Rumor has it that Joey Ashcroft is back home. We have not actually seen him, but hear that he is home safe and sound!!!

Joey, we celebrate your homecoming and thank our Lord for your safe return.

The State Newspaper reports:

About 300 airmen returned Saturday to Shaw Air Force Base in Sumter after a four-month deployment to Iraq.

"It's good to be home and finally be back with family," said Tech. Sgt. Mark Waldron, who was greeted by his three children, ages 9, 6, and 5.

The Shaw personnel are members of the 55th Fighter Squadron and 20th Aircraft Maintenance Squadron, and were deployed in support of the Iraq war. Nine F-16CJs and their pilots returned to the Sumter base Thursday and six more pilots an planes landed Friday.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE. WE APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH!

Meet and Greet

More New Members

WELCOME

Jamie and Colin Mullins

married May 17, 2008

Derek and Jodi Hawkins
married August 9, 2008

Love Bank, Moses, Worship

We have so much fun in Sunday School. We are currently seeking God and learning how to meet each others needs within the marriage relationship.

Caroline helped demonstrate the concept of the "love bank". We use chocolate kisses (in the blue basket) and fill the bank (vase) with acts of love. Each day it is important to make deposits into our mate's love bank.

Some examples, hug and kiss as you come and go, compliment each other, help with the dishes, open the car door for your wife (be a gentleman), speak the love languages.

Most important, spend time with God and allow Him to fill your heart with His love. The love you receieve from Him will overflow into your day and it will bless your mate and others.

We had a surprise visit from Moses this past Sunday. He encouraged us to honor God and to honor our husband/wife.

What a blessing to worship together with friends. God is so good to all of us. Praise his name today.