1. Last Week Recap
a. Great Marriages Are A Process
b. The Process Starts With Acceptance, Evaluation, & Communication
c. You Grow By Taking Responsibility and Committing To Forward Movement
d. Forgiveness, Grace, and Unconditional Love Are The Foundation To build On
2. Why Don't We Grow - Pride and Fear (Pride can be fear in disguise)
a. It Blocks Honest Self-Evaluation
b. It Closes Off Communication.
c. It Wrecks
3. What Causes Pride and Fear Issues
a. Learned Coping Behaviors (We act out what we have been taught)
b. Past Pain & Hurt (Some may have pain bottled up. We can't put our pain off on our spouse. You must deal with it to move from Good to Great.
c. Disbelief in God and His Word
4. How Does Pride and Fear Play Out In Our Daily Lives
a. Denial Of Problems: Silent Death
b. Deflection Of Issue: Argumentative Death
5. The Solution To Pride And Fear - Humility & Trust
a. Admit You Are broken
b. Confess Your Brokenness To God and To Your Spouse
c. Drop The Masks And Talk Openly With Love and Grace
d. Step forward Trusting God With Yourself And Your Spouse
HOMEWORK
1. Find a way this week to do something toghether as a couple where you can talk. Ideas could include dinner, a walk, coffee and dessert.
2. Have a conversation about an area in your marriage that you have avoided. Make sure that your conversation avoids any fear of pride tactics. Bathe your conversation in forgiveness, grace, and acceptance while requesting loving truth from one another.
3. Commit to one another to grow in at least one specific area in your marriage. Make sure that you know how you are going to measure that growth.
4. Grade Yourself In These Areas with a number between 1-7. Grade Your Spouse Also. Compare your results and then discuss the differences in your scores. A Grade of 1 = poor and 7 = Excellent
Loving, Open Communication, Forgiving, Acceptance, Blaming, Patient
5. Agree to pray for one antoher this week. Ask your spouse how you can pray for them.
6. Do something for your spouse this week that shows your commitment to this journey.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Good to Great Marriage Edition Session 2
Sunday, February 22, 2009
A good reminder - For wives
Scripture as a Guide for Prayer
written by Sharon Jaynes
Today's Truth
"And now I will show you the most excellent way" (1 Corinthians 12:31b NIV).
Friend to Friend
Valentine's Day has just passed and I want to offer just one more devotion of the subject of marriage - how to love well.
Most of us married women would agree that we long to be the woman of our husband's dreams. But I have a question. Why? Is it so we can get what we want in the long run? Is it so that when he sees how irresistible we are he'll magically become the man of our dreams meeting our every need?
Those are good questions -- tough questions. But becoming the woman of his dreams won't happen until we decide we would rather win his heart than win the battle, do right than be right, give more than get more, wrap our arms around him instead of wrap him around our little finger.
Becoming the woman of his dreams involves sacrifice. It involves respecting him as a man and a leader, adoring him as the one who makes your heart skip a beat, initiating intimate friendship through creating commonalities, safeguarding your marriage by putting him second only to God, encouraging him in his pursuits and dreams, and sexually fulfilling him. Many times this means denying ourselves and putting our man's needs above our own.
Did you realize we can even pray for our husbands with wrong motives? James said, "When you ask you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives that you may spend what you get on your pleasures" (James 4:3). Ouch! Does that mean I can't pray that Steve will change his mind about that new den sofa I want? Hmmm.
The goal for praying for our husband is not to get them to do what we want but for them to do what God wants. Hollywood tells us that we will be happy when we "find the right person." However, I have discovered that a successful marriage occurs when we become the right person. "For years I prayed that God would change my husband," Denise told me. "Our marriage went from bad to worse and we ended separated and headed for divorce. Then I began to read about what it meant to be a godly wife. In the world's eyes, I was doing a pretty good job. In God's eyes, I was missing the mark. So I began to pray -- this time for my own heart. God gave me the answer to my prayer to change my husband...He changed me."
How do we begin to pray like the woman of our man's dreams? A good place to start is by looking at the Bible's definition of love found in 1 Corinthians 13. I love to use Scripture as a guide for prayer, so I'm going to pattern today's prayer after this wonderful chapter on love. As a matter-of-fact, the verse that introduces this chapter says it well, "And now I will show you the most excellent way" (1 Corinthians 12:31b).
Let's Pray
If I teach Bible study classes, volunteer for the church women's ministry, and sing in the choir, but do not love my husband, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have a college degree, high paying job, and successful career, but do not love my husband, I am emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. If I have faith that can move mountains, am quick to pray for those in need, and even have half the Bible memorized, but do not love my husband, I am disobedient and do not please God.
If I keep a spotless house, maintain a well manicured lawn, and prepare nutritionally balanced meals, but do not love my husband, it is all for naught. Hired hands can do as much. Lord, help me to be patient. Help me to be kind. I pray that I will not envy others who have seemingly happier marriages and husbands that are more helpful around the house, thoughtful, or romantic.
I pray that I will never try to lift myself up by putting my husband down. Lord, I pray that I will not be a proud woman who refuses to listen to her husband, who always has to have the last word, who always thinks her way is best. I pray that I will not be rude to my husband with curt comments, disregard his needs, and be ungrateful for all he does and is, but treat him with the respect and honor that the king of a castle deserves.
I pray that I will not be self seeking, always thinking about what is best for me, but thinking of what would be best for my husband. I pray that I will not be angered easily, not hold a grudge, not keep a record of wrongs, not plan ways to retaliate, and not use my tongue as a weapon to cause pain. I pray that I will not rejoice and say "I told you so" when things don't work out the way my husband hoped.
Lord, above all, I pray that my husband will see me as his chief cheerleader who desires to rejoice with him in his victories, both big and small. He will see me as one who longs to protect our marriage and our love. Help me to create a warm and loving environment in which he feels safe, wanted, and revered. I pray that you will give me endurance when things get tough. Help the word divorce to never enter my mind or cross my lips as an option. Lord, I know that love never fails and that You never fail. Fill me with your Holy Spirit to give me the endurance to stand up under trials and love my husband as You would have me love him -- till death do us part. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Now It's Your Turn
Today's application step is very simple. Open your Bible to 1 Corinthians 13 and pray those words over yourself as you love your husband.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Shandon University
Two or three times a year, Shandon Baptist Church, offers a discipleship/Bible Study on Sunday evenings called Shandon University or Shandon U. Dates for Spring semester are Feb. 15 - March 15. Everyone is invited to participate in the courses.
Kynn and I are taking the course Good to Great Marriage Edition taught by Steve Turner. Below are our notes from the first session.
1. Great Marriages Are A Process. (The process is never ending. It begins when you say "I do" and last until "death do we part".
2. Parts of The Process
a. Acceptance And Grace
b. Honest Evaluation (Be honest about yourself with yourself)
c. Open Communication
d. Individual Responsibility
3. It Starts By Stepping Up
a. Commit To The Journey
b. Allow Faith To Conquer Your Fears
c. Take the Risk To Reap The Reward (Believe that God wants to do a work in you and in your marriage. We are being conformed to the image of his Son.)
4. Confidence Along The Way
a. His Salvation Makes You Accepted and New
i. Acceptance Frees You From Bondage To the Law
ii. Acceptance Builds Trust and Relationship
iii. Acceptance Creates Safety To Be and Experience Ourselves
iv. Acceptance Increases Initiative In Growing
b. His Forgiveness Covers Everything
c. His Love Is Continuous And Everlasting
Class Homework for the Week
1. What are three things you love about your spouse?
2. Find ways this week to tell your spouse how much you appreciate them.
3. What are three ways that you need to improve as a spouse?
Ask your spouse for their feedback on this issue (If You Dare)
4. In what ways (real or perceived) are you not accepting of your spouse?
5. When do you feel unaccepted by your spouse?
6. Discuss with your spouse the fears you have in being open and honest in your communication with one another?
7. What areas of your marriage are you afraid to talk about? Why?
8. Take some time to express your commitment to this journey of making your marriage great!
We were encouraged to push to excellence in all things. Even excellence in our marriage.
There is still time to join this class. I hope you will join us on this journey.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
His Needs/Her Needs
This week let's all concentrate on our spouses need for admiration. Men especially have this need, but wives really appreciate being admired too.
Even if you feel your spouse is not especially admirable at this time, treat him or her as if they were. Begin treating and serving your spouse like a king or queen, just like a VIP.
Verbally - Compliment - exchange complaints for compliments. (Give it a GOOD try at least! :) )
Compliments are like magnets. It can draw you closer to one another.
Intellectually - Ask your spouse for help or advice in areas that he/she is knowledgeable or has much wisdom.
Physically - What could you do that would be a physical help to your spouse? Does he/she need help with their laundry, dishes, etc. Would he/she like you to put your "stuff" away? (make-up off the counter, dishes in the dishwasher)
Showing admiration goes a long way in showing your spouse how much you love them. It puts needed deposits in their LOVE BANK!
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Love Sick
Do you remember when you fell in love. You know, when your heart was beating fast, stomach churning like a whole colony of butterflies had moved in. You know you are in love when
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
WELCOME HOME JOEY!
Rumor has it that Joey Ashcroft is back home. We have not actually seen him, but hear that he is home safe and sound!!!
The State Newspaper reports:
About 300 airmen returned Saturday to Shaw Air Force Base in Sumter after a four-month deployment to Iraq.
"It's good to be home and finally be back with family," said Tech. Sgt. Mark Waldron, who was greeted by his three children, ages 9, 6, and 5.
The Shaw personnel are members of the 55th Fighter Squadron and 20th Aircraft Maintenance Squadron, and were deployed in support of the Iraq war. Nine F-16CJs and their pilots returned to the Sumter base Thursday and six more pilots an planes landed Friday.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE. WE APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH!
Meet and Greet
Jamie and Colin Mullins
Derek and Jodi Hawkins
married August 9, 2008
