Quarterly Review #4

Welcome guest writers, Danny and Laura Stiller (see previous posts)

PLANNING QUARTERLY REVIEWS
by Laura Stiller

I wish quarterly reviews planned themselves, just like I wish weekly date nights would plan themselves. But they don't.I've learned two things about quarterly reviews since being married: they don't all have to follow a strict format/schedule/agenda AND it's absolutely wonderful to let Danny plan them, even if he forgets to pack something essential and it is a little more disorganized than I would have done it.

PLANNING - DATES/LOCATIONS:
We usually plan each quarterly review 3-6 months in advance. To start, we sit down and brainstorm places we'd like to go. We go all out and dream big (for example: the Grand Canyon and Alaska are currently on our list of "Places we'd love to go to on a Quarterly Review" - and need I remind you we live in TEXAS!) Sometimes we have a long list, sometimes we both agree on one place right away. Sometimes we can't eliminate a location because we REALLY want to go there - so we just plan more than one quarterly review at once.
Second, we look at our Google Calendar (which I LOVE because I can color-code our life to my little heart's content!) and block out the weekend(s) we want for our Quarterly Review. These dates are guarded carefully, and we don't reschedule them (because chances are they wouldn't get rescheduled) and we don't plan anything else during that time.

PLANNING - THE DETAILS:
We then talk through the logistics of the weekend and communicate any expectations we might have. Here are a sample of questions we ask each other:

Is this going to be a weekend geared more towards relaxing and playing or for planning, communicating and discussing?

How are we going to travel? car/plane

Do we want to plan lots of site-seeing activities to do, or do we just want to relax with no schedule at all?

We also discuss finances and lay out a budget for each quarterly review. Here is what this usually looks like for us:

How much is this trip going to cost? (break it down and get specific - try to include every expenditure in a budget)

Are we eating out or bringing our own food?

How much are plane tickets? hotels? entertainment?

Will we spend any money on materials/conference registration/etc?

We also assign tasks to insure that all the preparations are taken care of. For example:

Who's responsible for booking flights (if necessary)?

Who will make hotel reservations or reserve a campsite?

Who is going to plan activities to do over the weekend?

Who's in charge of planning meals, grocery shopping or finding restaurants/coffee shops?

Now, the only thing that Danny is ALWAYS in charge of is discussion questions for our weekend. Even, if we decided that we need to just relax and play together for a quarterly review, Danny will still have at least a few questions for us to talk about. He has taken ownership of this part of our marriage, and I appreciate his leadership. If I read something interesting in a marriage book, or come across good questions on a blog, I am always free to bring them to the table during our quarterly review, but the responsibility for guiding the depth of our quarterly review falls on Danny's shoulders.

Danny and Laura Stiller were married on August 27, 2005. They fell in love while leading an inner city ministry together after college in Bryan, Texas. Two weeks before their wedding, while Laura was busy finalizing wedding plans and dreaming of marital bliss, Danny decided they needed to move to Greenville, SC for a better job opportunity and to pay off debt FASTER. Somehow, during their first two years of marriage, they moved four times, and squeezed there in the middle was a year in Columbia, SC and the Harris' newlywed Sunday School class. They are now half-way through the four years it takes to get a Masters of Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and are maintaining their sanity with date nights, quarterly reviews, and lots of hearty "communication." They blog regularly at: thestillers.blogspot.com.

Quarterly Review #3

Welcome guest writers, Danny and Laura Stiller. (See previous posts)

WHY DO QUARTERLY REVIEWS?

BY LAURA STILLER

After 3 1/2 years of marriage, 14 quarterly reviews and countless date nights, our rendezvous every three months have taken on various shapes and forms. Regardless of where we go or what we plan, each quarterly review is a time for us to get away from the routines of normal, everyday life; spend focused time just with each other; and communicate. Sometimes, when we are in the middle of several particularly stressful or tiring weeks, it's just enough boost to know that we already have the next quarterly review on the calendar. It also helps me to know that if something in our marriage is not functioning just right (our schedule, our jobs, our commitments, our meal planning, whatever) that we have a weekend planned specifically geared towards tweaking and improving things. Quarterly Reviews give me hope that our marriage will not get stuck in a rut. I don't ever want to wake up one morning and ask myself, how did I get here? How did things get this bad in our marriage? Could we get stuck in a quarterly review rut, where they are no longer serving their purpose - of course, but we are praying against any kind of "ruts" in our marriage.

Danny and Laura Stiller were married on August 27, 2005. They fell in love while leading an inner city ministry together after college in Bryan, Texas. Two weeks before their wedding, while Laura was busy finalizing wedding plans and dreaming of marital bliss, Danny decided they needed to move to Greenville, SC for a better job opportunity and to pay off debt FASTER. Somehow, during their first two years of marriage, they moved four times, and squeezed there in the middle was a year in Columbia, SC and the Harris' newlywed Sunday School class. They are now half-way through the four years it takes to get a Masters of Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and are maintaining their sanity with date nights, quarterly reviews, and lots of hearty "communication." They blog regularly at: thestillers.blogspot.com.

Quarterly Review #2

Welcome to guest writers Laura and Danny Stiller. (see previous post)

Quarterly Review #2

By Laura Stiller

Danny and I (Laura) first heard about "Quarterly Reviews" during our pre-marital counseling in College Station, Texas. We sat next to each other on a brown leather couch and listened as our pastor told us we needed to have weekly date nights, quarterly get-aways, and yearly anniversary celebrations. Well, I wasn't going to argue with the idea that we needed to go stay in a hotel every three months, and Danny, being ever analytical and introspective, loved the thought of analyzing and refining our marriage.We knew no one else who did "quarterly reviews, there was no blueprint to follow, so, after twelve short weeks of marriage, we set out to make up some stuff on our own. Danny made hotel reservations in Raleigh-Durham, and we decided we'd sip coffee at Barnes & Noble while "analyzing" our marriage. Now, you must know something about us, we cannot walk into Barnes & Noble without each first gathering a huge stack of books to peruse. Well, Danny blew my expectations for our first quarterly review right out of the water when he walked back to the cafe with a HUGE stack of sex books. Great. And I thought we were going to talk about "things we learned since being married" or "things we'd like to improve in our marriage." I guess I had my answer from Danny without any further discussion.Over the next few blogs I want to explain a little bit of why we do quarterly reviews, how we plan for our quarterly reviews (including some practical suggestions you can do yourself), and finally share some of our favorite quarterly reviews to date.

Laura StillerDanny and Laura Stiller were married on August 27, 2005. They fell in love while leading an inner city ministry together after college in Bryan, Texas. Two weeks before their wedding, while Laura was busy finalizing wedding plans and dreaming of marital bliss, Danny decided they needed to move to Greenville, SC for a better job opportunity and to pay off debt FASTER. Somehow, during their first two years of marriage, they moved four times, and squeezed there in the middle was a year in Columbia, SC and the Harris' newlywed Sunday School class. They are now half-way through the four years it takes to get a Masters of Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and are maintaining their sanity with date nights, quarterly reviews, and lots of hearty "communication." They blog regularly at: thestillers.blogspot.com.

Quarterly Review - #1

We are thrilled to introduce our dear friends Danny and Laura Stiller. These are our friends who introduced us to the idea of Marriage Quarterly Reviews. Our marriage has benefited from following their example and going on our own Quarterly Reviews. We know that you will enjoy and learn from Danny and Laura. Stay tune. There will be 6 posts on this subject. A huge thank you to Danny and Laura.

SHEPHERDING YOUR WIFE THROUGH QUARTERLY REVIEWS

by Danny Stiller

Danny and Laura Stiller were married on August 27, 2005. They fell in love while leading an inner city ministry together after college in Bryan, Texas. Two weeks before their wedding, while Laura was busy finalizing wedding planws and dreaming of marital bliss, Danny decided they needed to move to Greenville, SC for a better job opportunity and to pay off debt FASTER. Somehow, during their first two years of marriage, they moved four times, and squeezed there in the middle was a year in Columbia, SC and the Harris' newlywed Sunday School class. They are now half-way through the four years it takes to get a Masters of Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and are maintaining their sanity with date nights, quarterly reviews, and lots of hearty "communication." They blog regularly at: thestillers.blogspot.com.


I want to let you know I don’t have everything figured out when it comes to being a husband. But there is one thing I have resolved to do in my marriage, and that is to be involved. I have and will continue to make mistakes, hurt my wife and screw things up I - I can live with this. But what I cannot live with is not being involved in the life and affairs of my family.
In up-coming posts, my wife will be sharing with you a habit that we have developed that we call Quarterly Reviews. She will tell you how we came up with this idea, and how we go about doing them. Before those are posted, I wanted to start by addressing the husbands that might be reading.
Husbands have a responsibility to shepherd their wives. Since you probably don’t wake up in the morning to go tend sheep, or know anyone who does, I want to share some thoughts I have received from older men about what it means to shepherd your wife.
Shepherding means to cover, protect, counsel, guide, challenge, call out, confront, comfort and encourage. My challenge to you is to take this information about quarterly reviews, make it your own, initiate a plan with your wife, begin to cultivate your marriage, shepherd and engage your wife in the process and start being involved.

FOR THOSE INTERESTED THE BIBLICAL BASIS SHEPHERDING YOUR WIFE:
In 1 Peter 5:1-4, Peter is addressing the elders of churches and instructing them to shepherd the flock that is in their care. In verse four it says, “Then when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that never fades away." The Chief Shepherd is Jesus.
Keeping this picture of Jesus as the Chief Shepherd in mind, I would like to look at Ephesians 5:25-29. Here, husbands are called to love their wives like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. In verse 28, husbands are commanded to take care of their own bodies, feeding it and taking care of it. Christ shepherds the church, feeding it and taking care of it; we do this for our own bodies; and we are to do this for our wives.
For more ways to shepherd your wife and for further teaching on authentic masculinity go here to download the podcast series “A Man and His Wife” (clicking on it in the right hand column).

Fellowship Time

A few pictures from our night out to Moe's and dessert at Cynthia and Earl's house.

Four on the couch!

Brent and Amy

Emily and Hudson

Brooke and Jonathan

Cynthia and EarlBobby and Marlene

John